just short of midnight...

i realize i hadn't blogged today. as if it matters...i have one solitary reader, right? ; )

i miss my pman. pickles and funky have been adorable on their own today tho, especially after p's speech to pickles last night. i overhear in the backseat "now "pickles"...you're going to be the man of the house while i'm gone. and it's not easy. it looks easy, but it's not. you have to help mommy alot. like, take the trash out and empty the dishwasher and stuff. and be nice to the other kids. but when you're the man of the house, you get to do stuff that you usually don't get to do. like, play the wii whenever you want." LOL! these kids crack me up...i love the things you hear when they don't think you're listening.

it's all fun and games until...

...you find unidentified POOP on the floor!!!!

i mean...what...the...everloving...HELL?! i'm on the computer. minding my own business. i look over. tiny little pile of poop on the floor. i know what you're thinking. "duh...don't you have a dog? dogs poop on the floor all the time". my first though as well. then i realized. i have an 80lb dog. and this is 30lb animal poop, max. i'm no animal expert, but this DEFINITELY did not come out of my dog. too small for kids, too. so...this is the fear i'm left with. we have this groundhog. YES...i said GROUNDHOG!!! he lives under our deck (i'm assuming he's a HE, because what kind of groundhog is a GIRL?!). he doesn't really bother anything, although it freaks me out to know he exists. the last couple days, we've left our dog in the house with the door to the mudroom (where his doggie door is) open. WHAT IF...that stupid groundhog came in here and shit on my floor...and may still be here?! the possibility of this is FREAKING ME THE HELL OUT!!! even a cat. or any other animal. not welcome in my house. NOT OK. so i just did what any other strong, independent woman like myself would do.

i called b and told him to get home IMMEDIATELY to search this house.

breathe....

these days, i have no patience. the kids ask me a million questions and i feel like the dragon lady when i snap back "WHAT?!" *snarl-hiss-snarl* not sure what's causing this lack of patience, but it must be a combination of a chaotically cluttered house, unusually needy children, my own need to be left alone every once in a while, and i'm sure a host of many other things. mav has been crying for 4 days straight now. call it teething, or constipation, or baby pms...who knows. but this means i've had no break from the constant complaining my 6 month old is dishing out, and very little sleep to go along with it. deadly combination, i must say. so i'm doing what any stretched-as-far-as-she-can-go mom would do...stocking up on prunes and tylenol, venting to my bff, and heading to the pool. at least i know the pool will wear them out...*sigh*

but i have to kick all this, because i get to meet my brand new nephew today! baby boomer is flying in with my sister juju in just a few hours...for good! YAYAYAYAY!!! : ) so pulling myself up by my very gloomy bootstraps, and heading off for some r&r poolside to get out of this slump! life is good...i just wish i had a quiet moment to reflect on that fact!! lol

and we wonder why everyone has add??

i wake up this morning. late as usual. get myself and mav ready, pick up p's friend for swim team (who's not ready...at all...i'm starting to resent doing this.), meet the kids and their dad at the pool, answer a phone call, talk to the coach, cheer on p, feed mav, watch eeber....breathe. all before 10am? then i load up the kids and their stuff, take p's friend home, stop at walmart while planning meals in my head, go home, unload groceries, jump on the computer, download a dvd conversion program. which sucks. so i go for another. which requires a windows upgrade. so i oblige. all while making lunch, starting dinner, juggling laundry, and getting a phone call saying i need to be across town by 2:30. it's 1pm. i'm exhausted just TYPING this, and yet i feel i've gotten nothing done after all that insanity today. instead of running my life, my life is running me. *sigh*

also, i was scammed by little kids yesterday (not my own. i'm too smart for THEM. lol), and they attempted again today. some little girl showed up at my doorstep selling a "book" she made. it consisted of about 5 piece of notebook paper folded together and a name with a heart on the front. said girl is probably only about 6, and she only wants a buck, so i give it to her. turns out the "book" has nothing in it. lol. i want to lecture her about selling sub-standard work, but decide against it. not 20 minutes later, 2 slightly older kids show up "selling" their toy gun and sword. oh, so i've become the gullable lady of the neighborhood? i don't THINK so. i try to semi-kindly let them know that i won't be shoveling money out all day. apparently they got the message...FOR YESTERDAY. today, little girl shows up on my doorstep again trying to sell ANOTHER book. wow. apparently people are starting their little scammers young these days. i told her yesterday was a one time deal...and my house will probably be egged in the morning. *sigh*

and finally...an ambulance has driven through our neighborhood down the same street in the same direction every day for the last 4 days. yesterday and today it happened TWICE. last night there were tons of cop cars, no lights...WHAT'S GOING ON??? call me an ambulance chaser, but i NEED to know!!! maybe i can ask for a police scanner for my birthday...but that'd be WAY more add than i could handle! lol

an encouraging day of discouragement...

because i took this weekend off, i decided mav and i should make a church appearance. let me just take this moment to reiterate that i LOVE this church... the service today was about leaving a legacy. geared towards grandparents, but as a mom, i got quite a bit out of it as well. i felt refreshed when we left, even though the mav cried constantly all afternoon. then my mom called. she needed a few things done at her house before my sister moved in. i've been putting it off, and know it needs to be done. so i get mav ready and head over...not in the best of spirits. i say a little prayer before going in for a good attitude and a cool head. yet from the moment i walked in, i felt attacked. it often seems like even though i know my mom loves me, she doesn't think very good things about me. i constantly feel like i'm never going to live down the "black sheep" role. i'll never be a good enough mom, a good enough christian, keep a clean enough house... so i cried. because that's often what i do. and yet i still feel that unsettling feeling in my stomach. that nagging part of my brain that actually believes all that to be true, constantly reminding me of hurtful words from myself and others.


i wish it would shut up.

hookie

so i've taken this weekend off work. yes, i realize my life is SOOOO hard working 2 days a week that i NEEDED a break. lol. i called in with back pain, which isn't intirely false, but to be honest, i really just needed to flush my brain. i needed some time with bryan with no agenda. some cuddle time with maverick with no limits. to clear my head of a friendship gone wrong. you never expect what life can give you, but it gives it to you anyway. and sometimes you just have to find a way to deal. i couldn't fake it this weekend. i couldn't fake happy, or sad, or helpful...it just wasn't in me. so tonight i'm going to support my cousin in his self-motivated journey to achieve an education. i'm holding hands with my boyfriend. i'm going to play, and laugh, and watch baby einstein with my baby. i'm getting rid of clutter in my life...physical and emotional.

it's going to be a refreshing weekend...