some days...

some days i just can't stop thinking about her. it could be a picture, or a song, or a smell, or a memory mentioned...but once she's stuck in my mind, she's there. she was the most loving women i've ever known. she loved with ever fiber of her being, with her very last dime, and even with her last breath. some days i just beg to have her back. to just sit and chat with her like we used to. to hug her. to hear her say "i love you too, honey"...or hear her call me her "sweet, sweet girl" just ONE more time. there's a song..."when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be...". i know this refers to the joy we'll feel when we see God, but i long for that moment now to feel her sweet embrace again. maybe it was parker turning 10. maybe it was the thought of taking her picture off my facebook page, as silly as it sounds. maybe it was curling up on the couch last night only to realize that one of the kids had borrowed her old blanket to sleep with downstairs, and i didn't have it to snuggle with. something triggered it, and now that lump in my throat seems to just wanna stay there for a bit. i know she was sick. i know she was hurting. and i would never want her to feel one moment of that again. but for one more day with her...selfishly i'd give almost anything. i love you, granny bananny. and i know you're happier than you could ever be reunited with your momma. but man, how we miss you down here...