back to school week...woot, woot!!!

this seems to be the only song i can think of the last couple weeks. the idea of the kids going back to school is like CHRISTMAS!!! i love my kids more than life itself, don't get me wrong. but taking it from 4 to 1 all day every day is FREAKIN AWESOME!!! of course there's the usual nervousness...will parker do ok at a new school? at MIDDLE school? will he remember his locker combination? does he even know how to use a padlock? what if he forgets? what if his teacher doesn't "get" him? will he make friends?...how will ava get up at 8am every morning? will she be ok on the bus? she's used to having snacks during the day and she won't have them now...will she be hungry? what if her teacher is mean and she has to spend ALL DAY with her everyday? will she be a good girl? will her "sass" get her in trouble? what if she forgets her lunch? or has a hard time staying at school all day without her mommy? so yeah...some usual concerns i suppose. ; ) but let me tell you...that won't stop me from tearing out of the school with my arms flailing yelling "FREEDOM!!!!" on wednesday morning. no-sir-ee! back to school week has begun!!

procrastination

...probably one of my worst habits. i've procrastinated my whole life. but today, i've hit rock bottom. i have literally done everything in my power to put off what really needs to be done: the dreaded laundry, and the kitchen that's falling apart. first, let me say that the laundry is my arch nemesis. i loath it with every fiber of my being. it's ALWAYS backed up, ALWAYS behind, and everyone in my house has WAAAAY too many clothes. it's not that big of a deal really...it's just laundry. i don't know why i fear it so. it's just starting a washer, starting a dryer, and bringing warm laundry upstairs in a basket to fold. no big deal, right? wrong, apparently. i dread it. every bit of it. so today, i've called in refills on all my prescriptions, called my dr office to verify my appt next week and leave a message for my dr, updated my blackberry, checked work email, checked work schedule, inputted said schedule into blackberry, ate popcorn, watched the first half of season 5 of the office on dvr (which i've seen a hundred times), checked nea's blog (which has yet to be updated, young lady! lol), checked facebook 20 times, sorted my pills into my pill container, picked up maverick's toys (again), had a couple smoke breaks, and so on. now maverick's awake. which pretty much throws all my would-be productivity out the window. damn you, procrastination. you've won once again...

some days...

some days i just can't stop thinking about her. it could be a picture, or a song, or a smell, or a memory mentioned...but once she's stuck in my mind, she's there. she was the most loving women i've ever known. she loved with ever fiber of her being, with her very last dime, and even with her last breath. some days i just beg to have her back. to just sit and chat with her like we used to. to hug her. to hear her say "i love you too, honey"...or hear her call me her "sweet, sweet girl" just ONE more time. there's a song..."when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be...". i know this refers to the joy we'll feel when we see God, but i long for that moment now to feel her sweet embrace again. maybe it was parker turning 10. maybe it was the thought of taking her picture off my facebook page, as silly as it sounds. maybe it was curling up on the couch last night only to realize that one of the kids had borrowed her old blanket to sleep with downstairs, and i didn't have it to snuggle with. something triggered it, and now that lump in my throat seems to just wanna stay there for a bit. i know she was sick. i know she was hurting. and i would never want her to feel one moment of that again. but for one more day with her...selfishly i'd give almost anything. i love you, granny bananny. and i know you're happier than you could ever be reunited with your momma. but man, how we miss you down here...

my son's wish, via google...

p's been pretty low about his adhd these days. he's feeling like his meds aren't working, having a hard time at school (mostly socially), and isn't enjoying things like he used to. i have my own theories about what's going on, but p blames adhd 100%...and i don't blame him. i've never allowed him to use his disorder as an excuse. always taught him that even people who don't have adhd have to work hard to concentrate, get things done, and make new friends. but at 9, it just seems that he's having to work quite a bit harder than the norm. this morning, while logging onto the computer, i found a google result that broke my heart.

"how to get rid of adhd"

how, as his mother, do i fix this for him? why are we given so much love and compassion for our children, yet our hands are tied to fix things such as this for them? all i can do is make sure he knows how much i love him, and that i'll always be here to back him up...no matter what.

new year, new life

i start this year with a new job and a new outlook. still catching my breath from end-of-year drama, but this year is hopefully the beginning of some greatness for me and the fam : )

so first, new job. i'm now a pca on the postpartum unit and i'm LOVING it! the mommies, the babies...it's amazing. this is literally my dream job, and they've even given me my dream schedule!! i almost don't want to clock out at the end of my shifts, and i'm actually excited when i get to go back. it's never easy to be the new girl, but these ladies are pretty awesome : )

the kids are LOVING school, and succeeding at it as well. b is, well, b...but an improved b these days : ) and i...well, i plan on blogging alot more this year. seems to be a good way to get it all out. all for now, nothing creative to say for today. time to go snarf down some candy conversation hearts...mmm...food-gasm...