my so-called life

my phone used to ring a thousand times a day. texts, phone calls, so often that i couldn't go anywhere without toting the precious cell phone. i had so many plans on my nights off, that i actually had to tell people i was busy. i had to lie to multiple boys to go out with others, often juggling a few at a time. i had more vodka in my fridge than food, and was known to drink many under the table. i wouldn't even take my kid to school and stay in the car without a cute outfit and a facefull of makeup. i sported a pushup bra, jeans that showed half my ass, and heels that made me feel like the hottest woman around. i could get away with not cleaning my house for weeks, and no one cared when i was chummed up with them at a bar. boys bought me dinner, drinks, flowers, and when they kissed me, my toes curled. i ranted and raved and blogged about douchebags, and prince charmings, and drunk nights out.

i miss that life. i miss it something fierce.

my phone now goes entire days with nothing more than a weather update text message. i've settled down with one guy who never EVER treats me as well as even the jerkiest of guys used to. i'm up to my neck in mommy-ness. i drive a minivan. there's no more bar nights, shooting pool, spending time with friends (tough when the only one you have lives an entire country away), hanging out with even my guy FRIENDS...nothing. i clean the house and it goes unnoticed. i make dinner and nothing but complaints. i stick my neck out for a friend and get ditched as a result. i've traded my pushup bra for tanks with shelf bras because they're more comfortable and no one notices anyway. i can go an entire week...to the grocery store, ballet, work, etc...with no makeup. NONE. in pajama pants. i chop off my own hair because it's in the way and i could just care less how it turns out. i haven't been to my favorite bar for over a year. haven't stumbled drunk into a bathroom in even longer. i'm lonely, angry, and just sick and tired of it. i've lost my spark, my creativity, my passion.

thinking of ordering a new life on ebay...