my so-called life

my phone used to ring a thousand times a day. texts, phone calls, so often that i couldn't go anywhere without toting the precious cell phone. i had so many plans on my nights off, that i actually had to tell people i was busy. i had to lie to multiple boys to go out with others, often juggling a few at a time. i had more vodka in my fridge than food, and was known to drink many under the table. i wouldn't even take my kid to school and stay in the car without a cute outfit and a facefull of makeup. i sported a pushup bra, jeans that showed half my ass, and heels that made me feel like the hottest woman around. i could get away with not cleaning my house for weeks, and no one cared when i was chummed up with them at a bar. boys bought me dinner, drinks, flowers, and when they kissed me, my toes curled. i ranted and raved and blogged about douchebags, and prince charmings, and drunk nights out.

i miss that life. i miss it something fierce.

my phone now goes entire days with nothing more than a weather update text message. i've settled down with one guy who never EVER treats me as well as even the jerkiest of guys used to. i'm up to my neck in mommy-ness. i drive a minivan. there's no more bar nights, shooting pool, spending time with friends (tough when the only one you have lives an entire country away), hanging out with even my guy FRIENDS...nothing. i clean the house and it goes unnoticed. i make dinner and nothing but complaints. i stick my neck out for a friend and get ditched as a result. i've traded my pushup bra for tanks with shelf bras because they're more comfortable and no one notices anyway. i can go an entire week...to the grocery store, ballet, work, etc...with no makeup. NONE. in pajama pants. i chop off my own hair because it's in the way and i could just care less how it turns out. i haven't been to my favorite bar for over a year. haven't stumbled drunk into a bathroom in even longer. i'm lonely, angry, and just sick and tired of it. i've lost my spark, my creativity, my passion.

thinking of ordering a new life on ebay...

two by two...

a couple months ago, i'm going through my closet. as i weed through things, i notice...2 hooded sweaters, one gray, one cream...same sweater, just different colors. 2 tshirts...one green, one blue, both with butterflies on the chest. again. same shirt, different colors. 2 yoga suits with rhinestones. one black, one gray. 2 sweat pants...both old navy, one white, one gray. two tank top/short sleeved shirt combos from american eagle...and on, and on...

apparently...i buy things i like in 2's.

so weird, right? i don't get it myself. yet i have things i bought 2 years or so ago that i bought in pairs as well. when i like something, apparently i like it so much i feel the need to buy two of them. i did it again today with my fabulous old navy flutter tops. and a week or two ago with flowered old navy hoodies. i don't know if i just obsessively collect clothing, or i think that i won't find another shirt that i like so i buy two of the same in different colors...who knows. either way, i find it humorous. my closet looks like that of twins, but i promise there's only one of me. i'm baffled. but at least i'm entertained. : )

fatty mcfatterson...

i will admit that i've put on a few lbs. several or more during my pregnancy, and surprisingly many more since. i feel HUGE. belly that could be carrying mavo's twin, legs that resemble tree trunks, and arms that look like the michelin man. even my BACK has rolls at this point. i finally felt so fat that i decided to do something about it. so i've been watching calories this week. it's amazing how many calories an entire bag of doritos contains, let me tell ya!! the other day i veered away from graeters (still sounds good, by the way. lol) and got a 120 calorie mcdonalds ice cream cone instead. i passed up my beloved 10piece nugget meal with fries and a giant sweet tea for a 6 piece nugget and apple dippers...and water. who really wants to live like this??? i mean, really?! me, that's who...if i don't want to end up on TLC as the world's fattest mom who hasn't left my bed in 10 years...but oh, the torture when you're a food addict. no more cuddling up to some ben & jerry's. basically no more phish food period since i feel so guilty about every single calorie i ingest. but i've lost 2 lbs since monday. probably water weight, but i'll take it. i've said ALLLLL this to say that i'm having a hard time enjoying my wardrobe these days. i've taken to b's tshirts and pajama or sweat pants most recently, and just feel plain terrible. i'm going to a concert tonight and was determined to find SOMETHING that i felt cute in. i tell ya ladies...if you can pinch an inch, head to old navy...fluttery sleeved (longer sleeves for those of you with michelin arms like mine!) tops with a band around the waist to suck them to your hips while the rest of the shirt blouses. instant skinny!!! i was going to post a picture, but can't find it on their website. oh, how i'm in love. i bought 2 (this shall be my next blog), and a super adorable tshirt...happy girl!! oh. and they're only 15 bucks, so get em while the gettin's good!