it can all be explained by some cheap mascara...

i've lost who i am. in the process of being a mother, and a step mother, and in a relationship with an incredibly needy and demanding person, i've lost the core of who i am as a chick. strong, independent, outspoken, silly...those words no longer describe me. most of my shopping is done for others. and in the midst of it all, i didn't even realize it until yesterday. until i bought the cheap mascara. there it was. a pretty pink tube of volumizing, maximizing, super-awesome seven dollar mascara in my cart. but at the register, my "thrifty" kicked in when i saw 3.99 mascara on the endcap. so apparently, i wasn't worth the 7 dollars even to myself and compromised for the cheaper version. as i applied it last night, i cursed it. it sucks. puny little lashes stared at me in the mirror, laughing at my stupid decision to cheat myself. and as i got out of the shower this morning, bryan commented on the streaks of black streaming down my face. how did i allow myself to become insignificant? to become unworthy of even SEVEN DOLLAR mascara?? i drop 30+ at old navy for my daughter, yet can't splurge to buy myself the 25 dollar sweater i want? i'm losing who i am. who i was. i'm becoming that which i've always sworn i wouldn't. a serving, compromising, sit-down-and-shut-up kind of woman. and i hate it. so today, i'm buying myself lunch. and i'm not taking back my bath and body works splurge. and i'm not going to a wrestling match that i don't want to go to because i don't want to go. i'm no longer the subserviant woman i have become. and while i anticipate set backs on this declaration, i'm sticking to it. liberation, here i come. thank you, cheap maybelline mascara, for making me realize that even though you suck, i don't. and i deserve way better than your 3.99 bottle can provide.